Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club

Ever feel like the only single person around? Ever think about just settling for the first person who comes along? Well, we here at Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club know exactly what you're going through; which is why we're prepared to offer you a free--that's right! free!--trial membership for the entire year of 2005! Just post a description of yourself, and find great singles in the wonderful state of Ohio. Here are just a few of the great men you can expect to find:

Greg, a 20-year-old native of the Cincinnati area, is a college student and a devout Christian. In his pre-fanatic days, Greg tattooed a certain someone's name on his arm and has since covered it with a tattoo of a cross--to symbolize the way in which Jesus covered the sin of the relationship, of course. This one's a fine catch, gals! Grab your Bible and head on over for a chat!

Dennis, a 27-year-old from Toledo by way of Cincinnati, has recently left the state after obtaining those pretty yellow license plates for an extreme DUI. Dennis likes to drink and watch anime after a long day of restaurant management, and he has a most attractive circular spot of gray hair on the side of his head. So if you don't mind a man who chews his orange juice, this one's a real catch!

Jeremy, a 26-year-old in the Toledo area (from Michigan), is an experimental psychology graduate student. This guy loves his Adult Swim--several riveting seasons on DVD, ladies... oh yeah--, Star Wars--display cases of Star Wars novels in the bedroom... hott--, and bunk beds--twin size, no less... sexy! Hurry up, ladies, men with hairy backs are bound to go fast!

Kevin is a 31-year-old from the Eaton area, who enjoys cheating on his wife and taking time away from his three children for aforementioned affairs. He's hardworking, with two jobs that take all of his time--his wife may never get to see him, but neither do you! Come on now, you know you want a man who can lie to you.

Ladies, how's that for a sampler? Oh yeah... we know you can't resist the temptation. Call in today and experience the wonder that is Allison's bad taste in men. Remember, you can get the entire year of 2005 for free! Call today!

Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Heart Club is not responsible for bad experiences or for lost money or time. We cannot be held responsible for broken hearts or for being used. Members of the Club understand fully that all other members are wastes of their time and should not be dated under any circumstances.