Escapism at Its Best

Yesterday J-Coo and I were feeling a bit down (to say the least). Our thoughts about the meaninglessness of school (and thus our lives) so closely mirrored each other that Jenny said we must have been sisters in a past life. Over the next five to ten minutes, the following story developed:

Jenny (a.k.a. Susie): Oh, do you remember good ol' Grandpa?

Me (a.k.a. Claudia): You mean how he used to take us out on sleigh rides, and how the dogs had such blue eyes... that is, when he wasn't working in the coal mines.

Susie: Do you remember the time he was working in the mines and he heard the canary drop dead, but when he turned around, he couldn't find his way out?

Claudia: Oh! Yeah, that was the time the guy he called "Fred Flintstone" had to come rescue him. I remember, it was hilarious because the idiot had to tell Grandpa how to get out of there.

Susie: Well, yeah, but it was just because he heard Grandma at the entrance to the mine, passing out cookies again.

Claudia: Remember how she always had to bring two different kinds, too? She was always trying to please people.

Susie: She always had hot chocolate with whipped cream for me...

Claudia: It's too bad Mom wasn't around...

Susie: Yeah, but she's happy now.

Claudia: I just never thought she would actually marry a Ringling Brother.

Susie: Oh, I saw it coming. So did Grandpa. But at least Dad's doing better now too.

Claudia: Is he? I haven't talked to him recently.

Susie: Yeah. He and his new girlfriend are really happy. Do you remember how they met?

Claudia: No... I don't think so.

Susie: Oh, I'm sure Dad must've told you. I'll get you started. You know Dad can only work as an acrobat on weekends, and he doesn't make that much money, so he drives the snow plow through the week. Well, one morning he was at Dunkin Donuts getting coffee for his drive, when there she was. She's a hospice nurse, so she was picking up donuts for work--they're all involved in death and dying so they don't care what they eat; she's kinda a big woman, if you know what I mean.

Claudia: Wasn't she trying to start a fan club for Dad because she kept going to see his act at the circus?

Susie: Yeah!

Claudia: It was kinda sweet until she asked for a nude picture.

Susie: She already had a website set up and everything.

Claudia: She failed to mention it was a pay-per-view website.

Susie: Somehow they still ended up talking and he took her for a ride on the snow plow, and that was that. They're still together.

Claudia: Huh. That's kind of cute. Too bad she kept offering him donuts though. The man's a health fanatic.

Susie: Yeah. She probably picked up the ones he threw out on the ground too. Like I said, hospice: she's dyin' anyway.

Claudia: Yeah, but that makes them rather perfect for each other. He's always doin' that acrobatic shit. He could die at any time.

Susie: That's true... If he fell and only had six months to live, they'd be right on track.

Claudia: I wonder if she could still be his hospice worker or if that would be a conflict of interest.

Susie: I don't know...

Me: Whoever said escapism didn't work obviously didn't know us very well.

We're random; we know. Bradley has agreed to be the boy that both Susie and Claudia like, and so he gets to be at the center of the fight that nearly ends the sisterhood. His fake hetero name is Nicky. If you would like to be woven into our fake lives, please feel free to apply for a position. We're always casting.