Like I needed more confirmation

that Mock Trial had taken my once (somewhat) intelligent brain and propelled it into a wall with a tennis ball launcher, left it in the sun to bake onto the concrete for three hours, and then boiled it before having fun with a new set of stainless steel knives; (that was the single longest dependent clause in the history of Anaerobic Exercises in Futility. . . and all the villagers rejoiced!) I woke up to find a most strange Word document on my desktop.

I was trying to stay awake and get some work done last night, but it was a losing battle. I stayed awake just long enough to fetch my laundry from the magic dryer that only charges you fifty cents to lovingly tumble your garments with hot air for eighty-four minutes. After folding my laundry (so fresh n' so clean clean), I didn't bother to close the document, figuring I would just work on it today.

Keep in mind, I was trying to write a proposal for a term paper. The class is "Human Behavior in the Social Environment II," a social work requirement. The paper just has to involve adults and social work in some way (ambiguous, no?).

Here is what I found in the document:

Human Behavior in the Social Environment II
26 January 2006

Something about conflicting roles for those who are premature caregiving tools—no, we really do just prefer that analogy.

State: Konanova, Bailey, Walsh.
Defense: Frankie/Micky, Nathanson/Sturgeon, Perry.

It's not quite as good as the time I woke up to find a Word document containing "Sleepy, sleepy, sleepy," without any recollection whatsoever of even opening Word. But nonetheless, I now have proof that Mock Trial is eating my brain and should seriously be investigated by the CDC as the latest strain of the plague. Forget bioterrorism, just hand everyone binders with all the case documents and watch mock trial cripple an entire nation.

You try it. . . I dare you. . .