This is an overdue update.

So before I left school for break, something most amusing happened. It involved me, sleep deprivation, stress, an uncomfortable desk chair, and an ebay account.

As some of you know, I've been in the market for an iPod for quite a while now. I just didn't have the money to act on that particular desire. Well, that all changed when I was informed of the birthday and Christmas cash waiting for me at home. Suddenly, my dreams of that pristine white (or black/pink/green/blue/silver) rectangular prism that would magically carry my mp3s wherever my heart desired, allowing my life to have the perfect soundtrack, was a tangible reality. I could almost feel the pending damage to my ear drums that would definitely result from hours of pure earbud listening bliss.

Now, as previously mentioned, this story involved a sleep-deprived and stressed-out me. It was finals week; I can't remember whether I was finished with all my exams and the article I was writing for a teaching journal, but I know I wasn't all there. And I know this because I wasn't acting like myself. I was being impulsive.

I had spent just a little time at Apple's website, looking at the overpriced yet highly desirable iPods. The new nanos weren't appealing to me because 2 to 4GB of memory just wasn't enough. Sure, I listen to the same fifty songs repeatedly all the time, but I absolutely must have thousands at my fingertips just in case I change my mind and want something different. Highly unlikely, but what would I do if it ever happened? Huh?

So then I looked at the regular iPods. They have a ton of memory. I could have 40GB of memory if I wanted--the equivalent of my laptop's hard drive. The only problem with that option was that I have but 6GB of music on my computer, so it would be a bit of a waste. Now, don't get me wrong; I am in no way opposed to amassing more music to fill the memory. I'm just working on a budget here.

It was at this point that I decided to scan the wonderful world of ebay for a bargain. And it was at this point that I saw the iPod mini--now discontinued. The mini, holding 4 to 6GB of music, was seemingly perfect. It quickly became the object of my desire. So I bid a max of $170 on a used iPod mini. (Before you criticize that amount, take a second to check out what the morons on ebay are paying for broken iPods. You'll be surprised.)

Then, as I was scanning, I saw an iPod nano 2GB for a bit less than retail. And the auction was about to end. It was a brand new iPod and the minutes were quickly counting down. So, impulsively, I decided to bid. And I was instantly beat out. So I bid again. Then I was beat out. So, being a competitive creature, I bid again. And bam! The auction ended and I won! A moment of elation should have ensued. In the world of ebay, I had become a winner. I had taken on the other internet-users who desired that iPod and I had smacked them down. I had won the iPod and it was mine.

But rather than that moment of elation, I suddenly remembered something. The iPod I had won retailed for $199. I had just won the iPod for $209.50. And then I remembered that I didn't even want an iPod nano, let alone a 2GB iPod nano. And yet another revelation revealed to me that I was currently winning an auction for another iPod. I had just screwed myself. Up the bum. Without lubrication.

I freaked out. Seriously. I'm not overexaggerating when I say I was spazzing out like a crack fiend with terret's syndrome going through withdrawals. The only rational thing I did was consult a friend who I consider an ebay guru. Here's a bit of the instant messenger conversation that ensued. Feel free to laugh at my self-inflicted misery.

[Warning: The following excerpts are dramatic and contain explicit language. They may not be appropriate for all audiences. Proceed with caution.]

Me: I was going to bed, but now I have an hour to watch myself lose a bid
Jon: haha on an ipod, or the case for one?
Me: an ipod--the green one you found for me actually
Jon: oh, wow. I rule... watch it suck. then you'll hold it over my head forever
Me: mhms, now I'm just going to be evil and bid other people up, because I'm vindictive and if I can't have what they want, then neither can they

*a moment passes*

Me: shit. I may have just won an ipod for 210. and it's a 2gb nano
Jon: wha? you bid on TWO?
Me: yeah... I don't think I'm going to win the mini. I set the max low
Jon: whats the nano retail for?
Me: 200. it was stupid, eh? I think I'm going to win it. shit.
Jon: :-\ is it new?
Me: yes, but still I may have just fucked myself
Jon: how much is shipping?
Me: 20
Jon: ew... :-\ this isn't like you
Me: oh fuck. I just won it. damnit
Jon: haha...um...congrats? :-Me: I hate myself

*moments later*

Me: yes! more people are bidding up on the second one. I want to lose it at this point
Jon: hahaha...great you scared yourself out of wanting an ipod all together
Me: you're not kidding. I should've gone to bed; I would've kept myself out of a whole hell of a lot of trouble
Jon: :-P go to bed
Me: twenty minutes to find out whether I'm fucked
Me: shit. people need to bid!
Me: why don't they give you the option of going "oh shit! I'm taking it back! I didn't mean it!"?
Jon: hah...not sure

*moments later. . . yet again*

Me: it just went up again. yesh! (or no! depending on whether it means I win at a higher price)
Me: okay. it's now the first one listed for "ending soonest" on mini 6gb search. so hopefully people will go to town. it's gonna pass me. they're 7.5 below my highest bid and there are three minutes to go
Jon: wow, going up fast!
Me: I know
Jon: damn last minute vultures
Me: I know. 7.50 more! can't they handle that!?
Jon: too rich for their blood
Me: yes! they did it. I'm out. whew
Jon: hahaha you're a psycho!
Me: :'( I know
Jon: YESSSSSSS! I JUST LOST AN AUCTION!
Me: hey. context, please, come on
Jon: haha DAMNIT I WON AN AUCTION!
Me: :-[ so I suck at this. I know
Me: they won it for 7.50 higher than my highest bid
Jon: woohoo
Me: grrrrrr 177.50 for a 6gb ipod mini really is an excellent deal. oh well. I'll try again at a later date when I'm not psychotic.

You'll be happy to know that I have since created a new ebay account and successfully won an iPod. It should be arriving any day now and we shall live together happily until the end of its battery life. At which point I shall reincarnate my electronic friend with a replacement battery. And all the villagers will rejoice.