I want to live on a flat Earth.

And I want everyone to be two-dimensional. In fact, let's all be transparent while we're at it. That's right. No more hiding our motivations, our intentions, our desires, our fears, our thoughts. Let's just put it all out there. And when we do, we'll understand why humans are inherently incompatible with humans, at which point we can all go back to being three-dimensional, take our new knowledge, and go get dogs (we will have confirmed that cats despise us and just recognize that if they rub against our legs we'll feed them; therefore no one will want cats anymore) and leave other humans alone. After all, wouldn't it be better to acknowledge this up front, rather than masquerading around looking for soulmates and "the one"s and other ridiculous illusions that we only want because we were taught to want them?

I thought so.

And from here on out, December 13th shall be Two-Dimensional World Day: A Celebration of How Much Humans Hate Humans. Let's all dress up like Republicans. (Ten dollars to the best Bush impersonator.)