Let's play a game.

It's called Stupid Stephen. Stupid Stephen began when I was in high school and frequently talked to someone named Stephen (go figure), who happened to be dyslexic. When communicating via instant messenger, one might have thought I was talking to an eight-year-old rather than a grown adult. Every now and then he would just truly butcher a word. I mean, he would take a six-inch cleaver and hack right through the middle, then pull out a twelve-inch chef's knife and slice and dice the word into oblivion. It was brutal.

Anyway, here's how Stupid Stephen works: pick a word from the instant messenger conversation. Message the other player with "Stupid Stephen!" then the word of choice. That player has three guesses with which to figure out what the compilation of letters is supposed to spell. After the three guesses, the "word" is given to the player in context. When viewed in the midst of other jumbles of letters that slightly resemble the English language, the player can usually discern what the word was supposed to be. As I'm sure you've figured out by now (and if you haven't, please don't admit it), the goal is to guess the word before seeing it in context.

Now that I've made myself out to be an ablist--I kid you not, that is actually a variant of "racist," meaning I am prejudiced against those with disabilities; I truly loathe the fact that my major dictates that I know such terms--I'll tell you the real game I want to play. It's called: What is wrong with this?

What is wrong with Stupid Stephen, the game I just presented?

To help those of you who may be a bit mentally challenged, let's make it a multiple choice question.

A) I misspelled "Stephen;" it's supposed to be "Steven."
B) It doesn't sound like any fun whatsoever, and you're disappointed that my game didn't involve zoo animals, acorn squash, and lubrication.
C) The PC police (that's Political Correctness, for those of you who needed multiple choice in the first place) are going to raid my room Patriot-Act-style and take me off to be tried by a secret tribunal where I will be forced to defend myself because I will be presumed guilty until proven innocent, and they'll be able to use all the hearsay and character evidence they can scrounge up. . . this is sounding frighteningly similar to our government as led by Dubya. Oops. That wasn't PC. Fuck. If I disappear, you know why.
D) Do not pick this answer.
E) I failed to provide an example of a misspelled word that would qualify for use in the game, such as "daiure" of "i rote in my daiure todae."

Have you made a selection? If you chose A, you are incorrect (even though I can't really remember which way his name was spelled). If you chose B, you are incorrect because the game is indeed incredible fun. If you chose C, you are CORRECT, and I will elaborate in a moment. If you chose D, . . . I don't even know what to say to you; don't even try to claim you were being noncomfortist or some other rebellious teenage shit; you're just stupid. If you chose E, then you would be right in criticizing how my post began, but the answer does not address the game itself and therefore is wrong.

Let us return to option C and to the PC Police. As most of you know, I am majoring in social work at a state university. This means that I am taking incredibly easy courses that do not test me on the knowledge and skills I failed to acquire throughout the semester. That is to say, I spend my class time with people who smile alot and say nice things, but don't know shit.

Part of our "curriculum" is learning the values/ethics of social work--if you're looking to be amused, this list will do it; our entire profession is based on helping people who don't know how to help themselves, yet one of our "values" is the clients' right to self-determination, which is based on the undisguised belief that clients can choose those options and actions which are best suited to their interest and wellbeing. . . right.

Anyway, along with these values, we are educated extensively about multiculturalism and diversity. By that I mean that we are told we are all racist and prejudiced on many levels and need to work through our own prejudicial beliefs so that we can truly interact with and help clients. We are also told that we need to be able to adapt our style to different cultures, but we're never told how to do anything outside the mainstream style that is tailored to a "European American" client, and best of all, we are taught all sorts of ways to be politically correct.

For instance, no one is disabled; people have disabilities. No one is deaf; people have deafness/hearing disabilities. You get the point. In the midst of learning about this wonderful semantic distinction, we were also informed to be careful because the American Council of the Blind got all sorts of pissed off about being called "people with blindness" rather than "blind people." They said they felt like the language made blindness sound way too taboo to ever actually truly associate oneself with it, so we had to use language that essentially kept the disability at arm's length.

As an interesting aside, when googling "American association for the blind," to find the exact name of the organization, I accidentally searched for "American association for the bling," and I found instead the National Association of Bling'n.

Alright, enough run-around. I'm going to get to my point because I could bitch all night about how incredibly ridiculous the PC language is. What is the logic in changing terms for disabilities and calling our clients "consumers" because "clients" carries a negative connotation of neediness, if we're going to continue calling one of the social work roles "enabling" when I contend that that has a damn negative connotation if ever there was one. Where's my new name?!

Annnnnnnnnd back on track. . . I received an end-of-the-semester email from a professor. He taught Interviewing and Observation (more poorly than I thought was possible) and also happens to be the chairman of the department. Let us take a look, shall we?

All: A gentle reminder from someone who cares ... Your grade will be calculated Friday after 5:30 based on what's in the grade section of the course ... "a helpful hint for better living:" what's not there won't figure into the final if you get my drift. Hopefully drift gotten! And if anyone tells the PC police that I wished you all a "Merry Christmas" I'll deny it and say that I was PC .. & I wished you all a "Happy Holiday." For those of you among the German persuasion "Frohe Weinacht und Gudes Neue Jarhe" In Him ... GS

Now, what is wrong with the email shown above?

Well, several things. I helped him just a bit by adding a couple missing words after pasting it into the window, but the major problems rest with the content. (1) He never actually wished us a Merry Christmas; he just felt the need to be a bastard who hypocritically violates the social work code of ethics--not that I particularly care about the code, but if they're going to shove it down our throats and force us to be PC, then what the hell is the chairman of our department doing? (2) He has an unhealthy obsession with speaking in German to people who don't know any German whatsoever and have stared blankly at him all semester as he repeatedly does it. (3) "In Him." Alright, beyond the obvious violation of PC yet again, this just doesn't make sense. Isn't "He" supposed to be "In" GS, rather than vice versa? How does one penetrate the big JC, and really get inside the Savior?

Interesting.

Go forth my children, and spread the gospel of the PC movement. It is your destiny. (Remember not to call it your manifest destiny because that carries negative connotations related to the blatant extermination of Native Americans, including the trail of tears and all that other fun stuff, like intentionally spreading smallpox by passing on blankets used by infected people. . . you know. . . the history of "European Americans.")