Self-Censorial Skills

"Think before you speak." "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all."

They're things we're told from a young age. We're told not to simply speak. Simply speaking isn't good enough.

And we know, based on experience in social situations, there is a "right" thing to say and a "right" time to say it.

For example, when your best friend comes back from the salon and says, "What do you think of my new haircut?" you have but a few options. No matter how much you may think you're an honesty freak, you probably give yourself a little latitude in this moment.

Your options are: (A) "It's. . . different. . . in that I-love-the-eighties-and-don't-know-that-this-style-went-out-with-the-eighties kind of way"; (B) "You look great!"; (C) "Is that a dead raccoon on your head?"; (D) "Did you look in the freakin' mirror? You're now officially that girl. Seriously"; or (E) "I don't know why you're asking me about your hair. The need to decorate yourself with dead cells and to then style those cells is totally a social construction. What matters is you, not your hair. Screw hair."

Now perhaps your style of pleasantries is different from mine, but I'm fairly certain you can guess the correct response to your friend's question. (Assuming, of course, that you want this friendship to continue and you're not looking to permanently damage your friend's self-image such that she'll become suicidal or go on a homicidal rampage and murder her hairdresser) the correct answer is (B).

You can't say what you mean. Even if your friend really does look as though she went out on a search for the nastiest, most rabid raccoon, then had it run over repeatedly by semi-trucks on a local highway, then deep fried the corpse, and then affixed the thing to her head, you can't say that. And if you have any sense of how to behave in social situations, you won't say what you mean.

But a problem occurs when we get really good at censoring ourselves. We never say what we mean. Maybe you're arguing with me, "But, Allison. I say what I mean all the time." Yeah, well, you're a fucking liar.

Perhaps you are one of the noble souls among us, and you sometimes say what you mean. Even so, you don't always say what you mean. If you do, then you've never gotten a job, you've never gone on a date, and you've never had friends or family. Because, let's face it, what we mean isn't pretty a lot of the time. We're human.

But the problem with the previous paragraph is that a lot of what we mean is pretty. We don't say the good things either. Because maybe it doesn't seem appropriate or we're scared of what will happen if we tell people what we're thinking. We censor ourselves with both compliments and insults.

Basically, we're afraid to talk--to express ourselves at all. And that's a problem, people. It's a really big fucking problem. So cut it out. Plain and simple. Next time you get ready to open your mouths and say what you mean, stop stopping yourselves. The world will benefit. And if it doesn't, at least I can say I tried, and then quickly shirk responsibility to blame the rest of you.