Gender Equality

I recently wrote about the difference between "women" and "ladies." Being that I am one to advocate for gender equality, I thought it only appropriate that I write about the difference between "men" and "scum-sucking crazy-ass motherfuckers" ("scum" for short).

I must admit that my motivation for writing this is not as benign as it may at first seem. I am not just thinking of gender equality. I am thinking of being an equal-opportunity hater of people. I loathe people. All people. And I am about to tell you why.

There is a scum-sucking crazy-ass motherfucker out there who needs to be killed. This person of the male persuasion (definitely not a "man") deserves a great deal more than the prison sentence headed his way. In fact, if you would like to join the army of vigilantes ready to kick his ass (after reading our reasoning for wanting to do so, of course), please, by all means, feel free to enlist.

So what did the scum-sucking crazy-ass motherfucker do?

We got a call at three o'clock on Sunday morning telling us that my little sister (who is more like my daughter than my sister) was in the emergency room. They wouldn't tell us anything else--whether she was alive, whether she had been in accident, nothing.

My mother and her husband went to the hospital. They talked to the police and the nursing staff, trying to figure out what had happened. I started making phone calls, trying to locate the girls with whom my sister had gone partying.

Turns out she was at a party in a bad section of a bad town, and some scum-sucking crazy-ass motherfucker had been all over her all night. At one point he started licking her neck, so she kicked him in the balls, telling him to get off of her. He stormed away--but only after telling her, "Don't act like you didn't like it." (Because we all know that this charming piece of shit, with his incorrect grammar, was just irresistible.)

She was in the process of telling everyone within earshot about his actions, which was quite natural, when he returned. After all, where we come from, if you're pissed off about something or someone, you just bitch loudly, then move on with your night. Well, this scum was not from where we were from, and thus his mode of conflict resolution varied significantly from our own.

The scum walked up, started yelling, grabbed my sister by the throat and backed her against the wall; then, when people pulled her away and were yelling at him, the scum did something that we would never have expected. He threw a chair at my sister's head.

Take a second. Let it sink in.

He threw a fucking chair at a girl's head.

What kind of low-life asshole does such a thing?

Her eye, along with a gash in her forehead, started gushing blood. Two people who lived down the street came running, saying they were former paramedics, and accompanied my sister to the hospital. Once there, the police were called, a DNA swab was taken from her neck, and the scum has yet to be arrested. Apparently he assaulted two other people after my sister left.

She had to be transferred to another hospital to have a CAT scan done. There was no damage to the eye socket, but she has stitches on her lower eyelid, in the corner of her eye, and near her eyebrow. She had a concussion, and she just regained the ability to open her eye today.

Are you pondering this person's actions and asking the question that is burning on all our minds? "W T FUCK!?"

I thought so.

Want to join our army yet?

I just don't understand. . .

But I need to wrap this up. I started by talking about gender equality and "man" versus "scum." So what reminded me of the term "man"?

I was standing in my backyard when I saw a father and son riding a four-wheeler. I don't know why I was so impressed by them, but I really thought they were adorable. And I was refreshed to see a man doing something good. Scum is everywhere.

In the words of Haley Joel Osment in Pay It Forward, "The world is shit."