The world is coming to an end.

Don't worry. I'm not going to claim Christ's second coming is approaching or anything like it. I don't think the universe is going to implode just for the hell of it. And I don't believe any deity is preparing to split the Earth in half because he got bored and wanted a good laugh--imagine all of us running about, screaming, crying, and (most ironically) praying. Quite simply, I think people are flat-out losing their minds.

Let's review the kind of headlines that have appeared in the University newspaper this semester alone. (Let us also keep in mind that this was not the norm when I arrived on campus in fall 2003; rather this is a late-breaking trend.)

1. At the very beginning of the academic year, there was the hot iron fiasco. Two girls had been randomly put together as roommates, and one girl (we shall call her "Psycho Girl") accused the other (she shall be known as "the victim") of having a camera hidden in the room. So then Psycho Girl grabbed her hot iron--which had been heated--and fucking attacked the victim with it! Psycho Girl fractured the victim's skull, burned her face and shoulders, and then claimed the victim fell out of bed after she was found crying in the hall, outside someone else's door.
2. There was a kidnapping in my residence hall. Some guy held his ex-girlfriend at knife point for a significant period of time. (Note: "significant period of time" simply means I can't remember how long and, because I'm accustomed to using the phrase for this year's mock trial case, I thought I'd throw it in.)
3. Last week, some 18-year-old kid (not a student here, for once) shot his 14-year-old girlfriend's parents when they started an argument about her being out past curfew. He then drove off in his parents' car with his girlfriend, only to be caught 600 miles away, after a chase at speeds topping 90 mph.
4. The very next day, what do we see but an article about someone being arrested for domestic violence in one of our residence halls? Apparently some guy was visiting his girlfriend, who is a student here, and when her neighbors complained about his yelling, he grabbed a baseball bat and went out into the hall to exchange words. When police arrived her wrists and arms were red, but she denied that he had assaulted her. Even better: one of her friends posted bail for the bastard.

Kevbo used to say, "Bitches be crazy," when Bethany and I would have roommate arguments. Sad as it is, I don't think the quaint statement is adequate any more. Kevbo's adage may encompass the first event, but what about all the boyfriends who are losing their goddamn minds? Seriously now, people. What is going on?