College: Land of Idealistic Young Adults

I was once vegan. Last year, in fact. I lasted a whole three months--if that. It all started because my roommate was vegan, and as I listened to her reasons for being vegan, I found that I agreed with every single one. So then my mind said, "Allison! You agree that this is a big deal but you're not doing anything about it! You know that we could more effectively feed people by giving them grain directly rather than channeling it through animals and then eating their flesh. And we could do it without torturing animals on commercial farms. So what are you waiting for!? It's time to be vegan." And from there I decided to be vegan.

Do you know what it's like to be vegan? The diet isn't especially hard. . . unless your body actually does need protein (something my body decided to tell me by getting very fatigued and sick). Did you know you're actually supposed to consume fifty grams of protein every day? Yeah. Well, you are. After being harrassed repeatedly by various relatives (namely my mother (a nurse), who actually forced me to eat a scrambled egg while I was home for a visit and who lectured me so much that my little brother (who was three at the time) ran into the kitchen and said, "I don't want you to be vegan any more because I don't want you to be sick!") I decided to try a protein powder shake thing.

I got some chocolate-flavored soy protein (made especially for hunky body builders, which amused me) and some chocolate soy milk, and I mixed that sucker up. You should've seen it. I have a texture thing about food, and as I looked into the cup, I saw a brown lumpy liquid, just full of chunks of soy protein. So I decided to stir it some more. And some more. And some more. Eventually I gave up. I closed my eyes, repeated a mantra of "hot chocolate, hot chocolate, hot chocolate, you know you like hot chocolate. . ." and contorted my face as I drank it one disgusting gulp at a time. The mantra didn't work. I quit being vegan within days. I decided there was no way I was going to drink that on a regular basis, and I couldn't afford to be sick all the time.

Now let's consider the ramifications of such a decision. (1) The guy I was dating at the time, Dennis, had told his friends that he would've turned me from being vegan by the third date, so he was just thrilled to find out about it right before the third date. Asshole. Made me wanna reverse the decision. (2) Being an idealistic young college student, I had to reexamine my self-worth. (No, I'm not kidding.) I mean, really, if I couldn't stand up for a cause, then what good was I to the world? (Yes, every college student needs to believe she can change the world. Shut up already.)

You may be asking yourself, "While all of this very interesting and only proves to me further that Allison is a charming genius who deserves everything her heart desires, what is her point?" Good question.

Lately I've noticed a dangerous trend. College students are getting even more idealistic. It's like they've dreamt up their own perfect little world and when this world doesn't conform, good god watch out for the temper tantrums and self-deprecation. I'm all for pushing myself to be a better person; I think it's essential really. But there comes a point when we do nothing but convince ourselves that we are awful and worthless and don't deserve to be alive, thereby inhibiting any positive growth or development as human beings.

Most of you can probably guess what I'm about to do. That's right. *nods* I'm bringing back the list. For those of you who don't know, two years ago when I broke with Christianity, revamped my morality and worldview, and started truly living by my own standards, I had a crisis about how to define a good person. I became so convinced that I was not a good person that I made a list of reasons I was a bad person. In fact, I made two lists because someone accused me of being too abstract, so I had to write another list in concrete terms.

But I digress. I want to present this list (unaltered from its original form) as a warning to all of you. This is what comes of being idealistic. This list caused me to have conversations in which I actually said, "Well if all humans are that way it doesn't matter. I hold myself to a higher standard and it is therefore unacceptable to be human!" (I'm a little more rational now. . .)

Why I am a Bad Person and will Never become a Good Person. Ever. Never Ever Ever.

1) I am never satisfied. Ever.
2) I am overly competitive. To the point of obsession.
3) I am a bitch. Really.
4) I am mean. Hateful even.
5) I am selfish. I don’t care enough about other people.
6) I am not motivated. I procrastinate.
7) I am nosy. I intrude into my roommate’s business.
8) I am cynical. My pessimism is most disconcerting.
9) I am doubtful of humans as a whole.
10) I lack the ability to change any of the preceding nine qualities.

Because I will never change any of the above, especially number ten, I will never become a good person. I will therefore post this paper wherever necessary to remind myself at each and every turn that I am a bad person and will remain so forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and that being positive and attempting to care about myself or others is a useless effort and should be avoided at all costs and is heretofore abolished as an option in my mind. I pledge never to reform my thinking or to get rid of the closed system inherent in this statement. I will dutifully convince myself that the above-mentioned ten truths are, in fact, truths and that I am incapable of anything different. Every day I will remind myself diligently and thereby prevent change because change is bad. Change is always bad.